The Chapter of the Raptor!

Oh t-shirt of mine,

The one I bought by standing in line.

For over 2 hours I waited,

With breath baited.

People walking by, laughing and sniggering,

“Who waits in line for clothes” they said while giggling.

But I knew better,

For you were more than just some fashion trend.

You were the proof of a high pedigree,

You showed the Raptors winning their 1st (and probably) only…trophy!

I wore you with pride,

Washed you in delicate with Tide.

But alas, much like the team,

You soon lost your gleam.

You looked like something I’d wear on Holi,

The quickeness of your descent into looking shabby….holy moly!!

It seems like they made you of wasted cotton,

Stitched by blind mice who had midway forgotten.

I ironed you once and lost half the words,

I ironed you again and your true purpose emerged!

You were not meant to be an outgoing tee,

You were to be worn indoors where no one can see.

You are to be worn alone, worn free,

Away from the eyes of the bourgeoisie.

You were thus moved to the night shift,

Where you only saw toothpaste and conrnflakes and other such shit.

But alas, our time together has come to an end,

We are at a path where our ways must bend.

I’m heading off to my home with new clothes,

And you, who have served with diginity,

Didnt ever impose,

you loved me …infinity.

I bid you farewell with a not so heavy heart

You were after all exposed to a lot of my fart.

Work In The Time of Depression

Will Smith’s Oscar performance (his performance AT the Oscars I mean) resonated with me. Not cause the joke was in not funny (cause it definitely was), but cause I understand the want to whack some people across their face to get a message across. 5 days a week of being pulled into calls or requiring an urgent reply to emails to the crème-de-la-crème of irritants, “Hey! Can you join the call” message on Teams, Skype etc.

The work culture as of late, appears to be a ‘rush-all-day’ and less result driven approach. For the amount of emails, calls, chats that we engage in everyday, why does it appear that we deliver less than we target? Is this a due to a setting unrealistic targets and thus following the “aim for the stars, even if you miss, you will land on the moon” theory? Or is it just that people innately prefer to behave like they are doing more work than they actually are thus pretending to be occupied than being occupied.

Why has the concept of simplifying now missing in the world and why does it appear that the more complex the ask and the email, the more important or relevant you remain. Why are we moving towards a more complicated world when the whole civilization has been based on simplifying our life? The wheel wasn’t invented to make things harder, the pulley wasn’t setup to make things difficult and neither was the zipper, so why does the average schmuck in corporate want to do something which the rest of the world might not understand.

What irks most however is that this concept is applauded and revered as opposed to being detested. Someone who asks too many questions is deemed dumb and irritant and someone who speaks out of their butt is deemed senior leadership potential.

Ah well…the world is unfair, else we would be surrounded by unicorn farting rainbows and whiskey pissing birds.

The Distant Dream.

The days seem long, silence is sworn,

Night’s pass, the future made of glass.

Look all you want and handle with care,

If we drop it, it falls down a lair.

The circle of life which leaves us square,

Our ability, our existence, our purpose… measured with a paper trail.

Walking a wire unseen, which felt like a beam,

For an object we chase (so desperately), is but just a gleam.

All is but a distant dream.

 

Rambling on from dusk to dawn,

We run the race, to find our place,

Alas, there is no destination,

It only causes perturbation.

The kingdom we aim, is all for vain.

The ego we feed, is but our greed.

For till the arms extend, is our reach.

And anything beyond, is a breech.

You will see, as I have seen,

For it all but a distant dream.

Until Death….

The chimneys launch their darkness upwards,

The clouds question their uncouth neighbors.

The smoke mixed with sweat of those toiling beneath,

They dig their shovel, grit in their teeth.

The heat, the grind, the burns, the bruises, they run deep.

Sweat drops trickle into the fiery abyss,

With a flick of their thumb on their forehead, their dreams, they dismiss.

 

The work goes in, on until death,

Their life for now its surrounded by constant fret.

They are but their maker’s marionette.

The closest land, is where the dead lay at peace,

The workers are jealous of their neighbor’s release.

 

The work doesn’t stop, not for a second,

They look at the horizon, the sea it beckons.

The dark abyss at the bottom of the trench,

it calls them, eerily, their desire to quench.

They look at each other, surrounded by the like-minded,

The ‘unlike’ dominate the recess, they are blinded.

They flick the sweat of their brow,

Onward they go, onward they plough.

Until death….on this archipelago.

Harry Potter : The Pre-Pubescent Freak!

Despite being one of the largest super hit series of our time, I had never really gotten into Potter-mania. But a decade later, here I am, finally agreeing to sit and watch all 8 movies for Harry Potter (under the forceful eye of my wife)

Here’s my $0.02 on the first 4.

Is it just me or does Mr. Potter seem to be a kid who is falling ass first in situations where he has no reason and ending up a (pseudo) hero? So far, I have seen no discernible heroic traits barring dumb luck and being surrounded by a very good group of friends who will help/bail him out.

Here are a few other things that jumped out at me!

 

Quidditch A Sport?

In the first movie we are introduced to Quidditch. A ‘sport’ that appears like kids playing tag while on hallucinogens. However, a deeper analysis reveals it is much more (and at the same time, much less). Quidditch is a way for kids to fly on a broom while trying to play the nerd version of basketball mixed with dodgeball, while two of the players chase a butterfly. Overall, it appears more like a sport for special kids than an actual sport. Additionally, doesn’t the broom do all the work?

Six children shove, punch, kick, scratch and attempt to kill each while trying other to throw an old timey football through a hole. And yes, I’m not underselling the ability to “kill”. Kids literally fall of brooms from miles up in the sky while the rest of the school (including the school admins) sit and cheer the brutality. Makes you question, what kind of sadistic bastards run the place?

Oh yes! And coming back to the game itself. The ‘players’ beat each other senseless while the rest of the school cheers them on and the WHOLE game just rests on two players finding a golden scrotum called a ‘snitch’. Wouldn’t the rational strategy be to put more focus and effort into finding something that gets you FIFTEEN times the return? Complete Irrationality! No wonder these kids don’t become world leaders.

 

Dumbledore tsk tsk!

Dumbledore is a paedophile who has the hots for Harry. There I said it!

How else can you explain him awarding a specific house 150 points for three kids who broke all school rules doing whatever they want versus letting the actual house who followed the rules, studied hard and did everything by the book, get cheated out of the trophy? Is Dumbledore just playing favourites and showing that doesn’t matter what you do, if you aren’t Harry you wont win? No wonder Draco is pissed, I would be too. I mean are we teaching the kids that no matter what you try in your life, if your boss is a paedophile and you aren’t a 12-year-old, you won’t get your award? What a cheat! I hope he dies soon.

 

Buckbeak is a menace

Buckbeak deserved to die! What kind of sick fucks allow a dangerous eagle/horse, which isn’t trained, and could easily trample a 13 year-old with it’s hooves while simultaneously breaking the bones of another pre-pubescent teen with it’s beak, be allowed on school property? You might as well throw the kids in a snake infested pit and the remaining few in the middle of a pride of hungry lions. Why make them die by a strange inter-genetic specie which probably doesn’t know its own lineage and make it take the blame?

We all have been part of schools where our parents used to fight teachers for too many stray dogs in our school route and here, we have parents signing a death warrant for kids under the name of “wizard education”. Someone Call Child Services!

 

Student of the Year – The Original

The more you see the movie, the more you would realize that either JK Rowling has a death wish or she just doesn’t like children. She has already put a kid, in so many unexpected places and ways to die that makes you wonder how much her parents liked her. Mother of the year anyone?

Take the Student-of-the-Year piece.

Quidditch was a shit enough game to put 15-year-olds in, but in one of the movies we see them take the ‘sports’ competition to a whole new level.

Meet the contestants.

• The lovechild of Ivan Drago, Putin and a steroided horse
• A kid whose life has taken him everywhere, from being a failed wizard to a failed bejewelled vampire and is now Batman
• (To ensure gender parity) Mary Poppin’s in her youth,
• A 14-year-old who is yet to hit puberty and appears more feminine than Mary Poppins.

Round 1: Steal an egg from a fire-breathing dragon.
Yup! A fucking fire-breathing dragon.
What is the scenario if the kid doesn’t win? Lemme guess, the school sends a letter via an owl saying “Whoops!”

Round 2: Rescuing kidnapped kids who are tied underwater and have an hour before they die.
So not only are we making the ‘athletes’ compete in ridiculous attempts to show who’s stronger (?) (faster?? …. Wait! What are we testing in this again) in danger, we have taken random kids, kidnapped them, and put their lives at risk as well? (slow clap begins)

Round 3: A Maze where the plants actually EAT (or absorb?) the contestants.
(slow clap continues)

 

Thankfully Voldemort is here…. despite the lack of a nose he seems like a fun guy!

1917: Cinematography 101

Making war movies are usually a sure-fire way to get an Oscar nomination. Saving Pvt Ryan, Thin Red Line, Full Metal Jacket, Platoon, Apocalypse Now etc. are all not just movies about war, but about a man’s epic journey during arguably the most stressful of situations. Simple enough and if executed half decently, war movies tend to draw large crowds to theaters and critics more often than no, fall in love with them instantly. 1917 was thus always on the right path. The movie is not only a brilliant re-telling of what I believe to be is a true story, it is a story which is narrated perfectly.

The movie’s plot, for those who have seen the trailer would have learnt all about it from there itself. Its June 28, 1914, a young Serbian nationalist has assassinated the presumptive heir to the Austro-Hungarian throne, thus starting World War I. The movie starts in April 1917, and we move on the Western Front. Two British soldiers must deliver an urgent message to an isolated regiment. If they are unable to do so, the regiment will walk into a trap and be massacred. To get to the regiment they will need to cross through enemy territory. The two soldiers chosen for this are Lance Corporal Tom Blake (Dean Charles Chapman, who most us might recognize as Tommen Baratheon from the GoT saga), and he picks his best friend, Lance Corporal Will Schofield (George Mackay, who I only remember seeing in Captain Fantastic, where he played 3^rd fiddle to Viggo M.)

Tom and Will then undertake what I can only imagine is my worst nightmare. Stuck behind enemy lines, surrounded by hostiles and no place to hide. Do they make it? Ah well….no spoilers here.

Not sure if everyone picked this out, but they key in this movie is Sam Mendes and his amazingly audacious attempt, to make a war movie as exciting as bank heist, as nerve-wracking as a sci-fi thriller and as moving as a drama, doing it all in a single shot thereby giving you a very first person shooter feel to the movie.

The single-take technique creates a theatrical effect and you get to see, two people moving through an unbroken space while you are (almost literally) moving with them. It is immersive, extremely! Somehow with this attempt you are up-close as well as distant at the same time. You feel attached at the hip with the two men throughout their epic journey for most of the movie. Their experiences are bizarre and shocking, but a poignant and then tragic sympathy is finally dredged up from the mud of their ordeal.

Kudos to the cinematographer Roger Deakins for his audacious attempt on creating the continuous fluid travelling shot and keeping us hooked for its entirety.

1917 is well worth a watch and not something you can enjoy on your TV. Spend a little money and go buy a ticket (if its still running)

An Ode To The Dark & Blue

There are days and there are times,
a husband and wife will not see eye to eye.
Mostly its ok, mostly its fine,
But this one takes the cake. Sigh!

She says,

He is a different breed,
He did not see how appearing in these made her feel.
They were so navy, and just so right,
They clutched at the right spots oh-so tight!
Not sure why he is throwing away thee,
Maybe cos in these, his butt wasn’t free.

I say,

These are so wrong,
Way too navy, way too strong.
You were tight in all the wrong spots,
Every time I wore you, I ended up having blood clots.
Never relaxed when I was in them,
I would itch all over, seam to hem.
Sitting in you was an ordeal,
Because in a few minutes, my legs, I couldn’t feel.
Standing was simpler but,
I’ve seen trees that moved, freely with more jut.
Squatting though was not a thing,
You just wouldn’t stretch that thin.

She says,

You had many helpful features,
Like concealed pockets and water-resistant fabric.
You were the most inexpensive of all my denims,
That’s truly why you didn’t appeal to him.
I thought you fit well,
But he felt you would split if he sat well!

I say

Your helpful features were a joke,
The concealed pockets were a hoax.
And water-resistant fabric is such a farce,
Water beads collected on the pair and on my arse.
You were inexpensive and that was a selling point,
But removing you needed me to anoint.
On the outside it appeared u fit well,
But every time I wore you, my ‘brain’ yelled. 😊

 

Thus we say,

It is with a heavy heart, we bid you adieu…
We hope you find someone who loves you like you are new!