Archive for September 24th, 2017

Airway for the Weary!

If either of the two Wright brothers had seen what they unleashed, they’d have committed hara-kiri. The cramped space which makes a chicken coop seem like a luxurious 4 BHK and food that was probably made from someone’s leftovers (quite possibly the chickens), some of the airlines have finally just let go of trying to please customers.

“This comes from no basis more reliable than my own meandering experience….”

Recently, I decided to undertake a bold 19-hour voyage across the seas to a new home. Post validating my prestigious platinum status, I had zeroed in on the airline and booked the cheapest tickets available.

Welcome to Jet Airways! Uncomfortable no matter what.

Seating

Granted, they were nice enough to give me a seat with ample leg room, but the trouble of sitting in the first row is that you end up starting and shutting your monitors 30 minutes after and before the rest of the passengers. Secondly, the ample leg room is really a myth since it’s not really ‘ample’ cause most of the time you are trying to crawl up in your seat due to the number of people either walking, pushing or loitering around the vast emptiness in front of your feet and the other half of the the time you are trying to not cause the flight attendant to step on your feet whilst dragging her magic tray of milk, cookies and children’s toes.

In-flight entertainment

Calling the shows on the screens as entertainment would be like calling me a writer! The utter trash they have as options make you ask the question, “Does anyone really think that Tareek Mehta Ka Oolta Chasma is funny? Is it funnier with subtitles? Is this why comics are threatened in India? And the major thought…. If the plane crashes now, how much would anyone regret that this is the last show they saw before plunging to their death?”

The rest of the shows on-board are no better. I actually ended up reading a book!

Liquorrrrr yayaeee……wait WHAT?

Everyone knows the best part about travelling internationally…(drum roll)…. free daaruu (ka-CHING!), and let’s face it…. since you can’t dance in the aisles, at least helps you sleep! Now the liquor you can be happy about, but the typical ‘take-it-or-leave-it’ attitude, that is the mixer.

Me (Trying my best accent to sound like I take this flight pretty much daily): “Do you have single malt?”

Her (Bored already): “Do you want Red Label or buttermilk?”

Me (taken aback, but not giving up):” Uh…so only Red Label? Any other whiskey?

Her (bored even more, stifles a yawn): “Yup…you can take it or do you want wine?

Me (punched in the stomach): “Red Label I guess”

(pours a negligible amount…)

Me: “Thank you” (sprinkles some over his head, around the table and dabs lips with it)

*passes out*

Feast

I’m not sure which airlines hire a chef to create a menu for its passengers, but I can only imagine Jet Airways hires those who burnt water during their internship. I am yet to learn how an omelette can be burnt on one side and runny on the other, but who am I to judge these possible Michelin star misses.

 

19 hours later, touchdown!

 

Welcome to Toronto *kisses the ground*

(Don’t do that….it’s not very hygienic)

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