Thoughts: Dabangg 2: Half the movie, twice the headache!

Yes I am back, and I know you 4 readers missed me.

I have plans this year, plans to write more (oh the horror!!!)

Cest La vie, wasn’t off to the best start. But all that is history now and today I begin with a fresh and renewed energy. So to get inspired I decided to see a movie…a piece of art, something that could instigate me, amuse me, motivate me, something that could bring to life the creative giant that lies in the dormant recess of my mind and tickle him. Something that could make me believe in magic, art, cinema and the vastness of the human mind.

I went to see Dabangg-2. Don’t say another word.

Slam-em Khan can do a better movie, he most definitely can. You know how I know that? Because a blind hobo living under a bridge and his partially deaf dog can do a better movie….a paraplegic man can do a better movie…but I guess I should not get carried away.

The movie was ok (ONLY IF YOU ARE IN A COMA!)

I don’t know why they didn’t pass out aspirins with the tickets! This movie seems like a little more of a college placement brochure video (You know the types, the college mascot stands in an ill-fitting suit with the SOLE pretty looking girl from the college talking about how the students spend time in the library working hard by picking up the biggest book on the shelf and pointing impressively at a line in the book and the rest work hard in the ‘state of the art’ computer facility on MS DOS or Excel and the maximum number of kids are playing basketball  etc all in the fake allure to convince some HR rep in a company that “Yes we study, we know how to use a computer and we are fit enough to sit in a desk job from 8 am to 8 pm 5 days a week”) Well this movie is just that….only worse. I have honestly seen brochure videos that are better!

Here is the movie’s story; Slam-em Khan comes…beats up baddies….Slam-em Khan dances. Next scene: Slam-em Khan comes….*dishoom dishoom* ….(insert some PJ from him, including but not limited to a fart joke or a dirty joke about marriage)…insert song and dance sequence….repeat steps until main bad guy gets beaten up to a pulp. The End!

As you can figure out, the movie lacks a story. Even Linsday Lohan in her crack-addicted, bleached blonde psycho stage could pen down a better script than what was passed off as a story in this movie. Salman Khan is a great actor….well ok, he’s a good actor….hmmm…well ok, he acts and his movies make millions. But if I wanted to see buffoonery I could switch on America’s Funniest Videos. There are a bazillion shows on television that makes more sense (and yes that includes Roadies!)

Salllu bhai really needs to focus on his core and stop doing trash like this. I was, rather still am a huge fan of Dabangg (and Munni….oh Munni *drool*) And I am completely on board with the debate that after Armageddon there would be only three clans left, one lead by Robocop, one lead by the Terminator and the rest of us huddled under Salman Khan’s left bicep. But this is trash and even Sallu bhai can’t make this movie good.

Dabangg in all its brashness was still a well conceived, well thought out and brilliantly executed movie. This one in comparison appears to be the work of a mentally unbalanced trauma patient with a handy cam. There is a lack of story and all characters are under developed. (To elaborate they are like those kids who acted as trees in the school annual day). The bad guy in the earlier movie for instance was well defined; he had an aim, a motive, a reason to be on camera, this one just seems like a Delhi boy who met a random south Indian who really had nothing else to do. I mean for God’s sake at least ensure that they LOOK similar. The three villains looked something right out of a UCB advertisement. One from up north, one from down south and the one who actually looked like he was from Kanpur (where the movie is based out of) was cheekily killed off early.

Sonakshi Sinha looks more of a man than Vinod Khanna and Arbaaz Kahn combined and most importantly she really shouldn’t dance next to Malaika Arora Khan….it is just pitiful to look at. The acting of all three plus the extras was put together ‘barely passable’. Not one character stood out in the movie (apart from our muscled super hero cop) and on a side note Kareena Kapoor is definitely not fit to be an item girl. (Again a special mention to Munni for setting the bar so high 🙂 )

Arbaaz Khan got lucky once, but he is no Ben Affleck and Dabangg in all its glory was no Good Will Hunting. He should now just sleep in the money he has made for the next few decades. He has never done one decent thing in his life apart from Dabangg and he should stop before he ruins his name after that. Salman Khan needs to really pick his socks. Having Eid is not a reason to make a movie. Sonakshi Sinha should just get that sex change operation done and over with. And the rest of the cast can go back to their mundane existence because I doubt this movie would make any spec of significance in their life.

For those who STILL didn’t get it, the movie is horrible and needs to be missed. (Yes I know it’s late to state that, but it’s usually how I end reviews, so had to say it)

…until the next time.

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