Thoughts: The Relics Expended

Could a movie have a better cast? Probably not!

Could the movie have been made better…sadly, Yes!

For those who saw the first part, I feel sorry for you guys going to see the second part in the theatre hoping for something different. I mean with 12 men in Hollywood who could probably displace Earth of its axis if they jumped together on it and if you went in looking for a movie like Shawshank Redemption you are probably not only barking up the wrong tree, in all probability the tree is not there anymore and you are probably barking at a branch of the original tree you wanted to actually bark at.

The story (or lack of thereof) is ultra basic, The Expendables team is back to do a “simple job” of retrieving something that was on a plane that crashed in the former Soviet Union. As usual things go wrong and one of their men Bill the Kid (Liam Hemsworth) is murdered on the job. Now you would imagine that in a job such as theirs death is part and parcel of everyday work, but Barney Ross (Stallone) is pissed and payback’s a bitch, so the next orders are, “Shoot anything that moves”. Hell-bent on payback, the crew of Lee Christmas (Jason Statham), Yin Yang (Jet Li), Gunner Jensen (Dolph Lundgreen) , Hale Caesar (Terry Crews) are all sent to wrap up the left over remains of the former USSR. Throw in a girl as a semi love interest Maggi (Nan Yu) and we have The Expendables Reloaded.

To retrieve the “mysterious object” the crew embarks to USSR and cuts a swath of destruction through opposing forces like a hot knife through butter and in the midst of wreaking havoc and by shutting down an unexpected threat in the nick of time – five tons of weapons-grade plutonium (which for those keeping track is more than enough to destroy the world 5 times over) the crew ends up saving the world, saving the village where the  men are forced to work as slaves and the women churn butter all day and the crew ends their day by flying into the sunset all guns smoking. (And CUT!)

How is this movie different from the first one? It isn’t, major difference probably could be that the main bad guy is a kick-butt-first-ask-questions-later tough guy who strangely enough doesn’t have a name in the movie, or he is called “Villian” which I assume is just the name of a generic bad guy. (By the way, if anyone comes across it kindly let me know) but he is more popularly known as the “Muscles from Brussels” Jean Claude Van Damme

The story couldn’t be complicated, bad guys die, good guys win, and Chuck Norris is God! The movie is a little better than the first but then to be honest its nothing special. There is an attempt at some humor which Stallone is usually very good with but then somewhere I guess it could be written better to elicit more laughs. But it’s not that much of a big deal really as there are funny moments in the film, more so than the first film. The movie isn’t best suited for the Gen X and the Gen Y target market and is more suited to the people who loved the action genre movies of the 80’s and the early 90’s, those who loved Beverly Hills Cop or Passenger 57 and the likes. The actors in these cases don’t necessarily act too well, but how they are makes Captain America seem like a watchman or the GI Joe and Cobra fight seem like a playground scuffle. The action heroes in that era were larger than life and could make the Big Bang seem like something that happens when you eat spicy food and end up passing gas.

Simon West (Director, also made Con Air, the General’s Daughter) is great with action sequences, he brings his touch to this movie as well. The movie has spent big bucks being made and has raked the same in, so it’s a safe bet to say that the target market is very welcome of a rehashing of these old men as leads.

A few places where the movie lacks would be a story for one (but then if you are looking for a story you are definitely watching the wrong actors), also the music score which definitely needed some more zing on it to make it more engaging. Thirdly there wasn’t enough hand to hand combat as much as in the first movie, and this is probably why there wasn’t enough of Jet Li in the movie as well.

Personally speaking the movie is not one of the best I have seen, maybe it is something we develop a taste for and maybe I might never get it, but I believe a better story would have helped. More positively the second one was much better than the first one and this leads me to believe that there will be a third one as well. My two cents for the third part of this would be to give John Woo the reins and put all the actors in space fighting aliens and throw in Wesley Snipes, Kurt Russell, Harrison Ford, more of Chuck Norris and even Clint Eastwood who only tells the alien scumbag

I know what you’re thinking: “Did he fire six shots, or only five?” Well, to tell you the truth, in all this excitement, I’ve kinda lost track myself. But being this is a .44 Magnum, the most powerful handgun in MY world, and would blow your head clean off, you’ve got to ask yourself one question: “Do I feel lucky?” Well do ya, punk?

All I hope is that they throw it in; bad guys from ANY planet don’t stand a chance!!


Watch the movie, don’t count on too much, I’d give it a 6/10.


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