Thoughts: Shape up or Ship out!

Ok let’s get this straight, it has nothing to do with the Bryan Adams song (The Only thing that looks good on you), it’s got nothing to do with my “dreams of what I wanna do when I grow up” nor is it something to do with me!!

Here are a few notes based on my recent conversations with people. For sake of their sanity and mine I have decided not to mention any names, but you all know who you are.

  1. You aren’t THAT rich, and yes I can tell that by looking at your clothes. Cause my dear friend, clothes might make you look good, but GOOD clothes make you look good, you wearing what you are, look like a damn auto rickshaw driver who just found someone’s wallet in the back seat and swipped the damn card before the owner could say Jack Robinson
  2. Yes you are ugly, your hair style is ugly, the way you look is enough to scare the dead and the amount of goddamn powder on your face is NOT going to make up for the fact that you really are dark as the underside of a West Indians ass. PS: Dark people are not necessarily ugly, look at Rihanna for Christ’s sake!! Look at Will Smith too!! You are Ugly, either embrace it or kill yourself!
  3. Yes you are fat as well! No your uber-loose shirt or tee-shirt does not cover up the whole deal. Yes I can still see what you ate for lunch cause a lot of it is on your shirt!! If you THINK you are fat, the odds are really goddamn high that you ARE Fat, so firstly stop wondering about it and secondly get off your ass and go run.
  4. No that color does not suit you, it never did nor would it ever do. And no it’s about being able to carry it off, it just doesn’t bode well. Who the fuck picked your clothes? Stevie-fucking- Wonder or Charles-blind since birth-Ray???
  5. Please don’t wear anything too tight, you know it’s too tight when your nipples can be seen through it, here of course I mean men only, women please feel free to wear clothes as tight as you please (NOT YOU FATTIES!!!!)
  6. You aren’t funny, I have heard your jokes like a million times before and no you don’t “sound” cute. No one likes you and if you can’t read the expressions of the people once you enter the room not only do you need a shrink you also need a goddamn “how to read body language” book. The first page states that in case more than 4 people show you the middle finger you need to walk out off the room faster than you walked in.
  7. Finally, women …you are not to ask guys about shoes!! NO GUY HAS ANY IDEA ABOUT SHOES!!! And if you ask him he will always jus nod along and if by God’s grace he DOES say something the odds are really high about him just saying it for the heck of it. But he gives a reason why he likes the shoe, leave him now…he is probably gay!

I hope this helps you all to ensure your future conversations are more entertaining and amusing. And at the very least DO NOT bring this up with me, I am at the beginning of a New Year and would love to start with more interesting conversations.

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3 responses to this post.

  1. Why are you obsessed with ugly? have seen soo many ‘ugly’ posts around this blog that that you can SEO that word to hike traffic to you blog! ( if people search ugly for some strange joy!)

    There have been some remarkable men (and women) who have done decent minus this gyan… Kalam would have not lasted a day had you ruled the country!

    I am sure you in your daily life talk to normal looking people who do not fit into your Hitler-ised ‘aryan’ pure blood prodigies!

    So chill dude!

    Reply

  2. Ugly is perspective.

    Reply

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