Thoughts: “Ladies” night!

The Case:

So I recently had this fascinating conversation with a friend who was telling me about this “place that must not be named” which is one of the Coolest bars in the world (not my words).

Now mind you, I am always up for a good, fun night. So I probed into a few more details and then realized that there was either something wrong with me or …. Well I wouldn’t like to comment. Read on….

The Subplot

For those less acquainted I have added a new character to the plot called CAPTAIN SUBTEXT!! He is someone who shall run you through the conversations where you really would need to find “what does THIS mean?”

Pay close attention

 

The Story

Girl: “Hey der! What’s up? Is been a while since we caught up nah….let’s go to a bar, I just wanna drink and have fun!! You game??”

Me: “Perfect, what where would you like to go? XYZ has amazing music (rock!!) ABC is great seating n amazing televisions (to watch the match) everywhere!!”

Girl: “No no….its too shady….Lets go to the place that must not be named”!!

Me: “What shall I do there? “

Girl: “Drink….and get high” (wheeeeeee)

(Captain Subtext: I’ll have half a glass of the most expensive drink and get my “buzz” whilst you can sit and try to entertain me)

Me: “Drink…really?”

(Captain Subtext: The damn drinks are exorbitantly priced, most of them look gay and fruity, I mean really gay!! Gay enough for even George Michael to go like “I ain’t drinking that fruity piece of shit!

And most of them don’t have alcohol. I might as well drink freshly squeezed juice and mix soda in it.

I am not here to get a goddamn BUZZ!!! I am here to get blitzed and drink my guts out…THAT is what a “let’s get drunk” means)

Me: “So I mean what else a selling proposition for the place?”

 

The USP (Unbelievably Stupid Plan)

Girl: “Its ladies night….”

Me: “Uhhh….so?”

(Captain Subtext: WTF!! Did you not realize I am a man!! Am I THAT feminine??? Do I shave too close? Those are Pecs by the way, they might look bigger than yours but I assure you it is still a man’s chest! And puh-leez give me a better reason to come with you)

Girl: “There would be lots of ladies there!!”

Me: “Ah ok….are these women about to provide me sexual gratification?” (*fingers crossed)

Girl: “Ewww ….no she says”

Me: “Will they sit on my lap and grind???”

Girl: “Ewwww…pervert !!”

(Captain Subtext: Ewwwww…..pervert)

Me: “Will they refill my glass whilst I touch them in inappropriate places?”

Girl: “Is sex all you can think of??”

Me: “Ohk ohk I’m sorry….anyway would you know any of the ladies there?”

(Captain Subtext: Crap! She’s on to me!! Divert topic, divert topic!!)

Girl: “No no.”

Me: “Ok! Would you be able to introduce me to any of them? You know like a wingman ;)”

Girl: “No no…actually that depends on how well you can charm them J”

Me: “ha ha ha ha”

(Captain Subtext: ARE YOU FRIGGING INSANE….HAVE YOU EVER BEEN TO A FRIGGIN BAR? IT ONLY HAPPENS IN MOVIES, there are no real women slutty enough to go home with a guy whom she just met in a bar.

Most of the goddamn women that come to a bar alone are ugly enough so scare the pants of Freddy Kruger and would have a better utilization being rented out as fucking farm animals than anything else)

Girl: “Haven’t you seen HIMYM?”

(Captain Subtext: I am soo retarded that I feel the Lily and Marshall are really married and some girl like Robin actually exists as a 30 yr old SINGLE women and I would sooo marry Ted cause he is just so cute!! I am really dumb….bubba bubba bubbaa *drooling*)

Me: “ha ha ha ha…I ain’t as smooth as Barney nah”

(Captain Subtext: BARNEY STINTSON is GAY!!!! And no insane hot woman goes to a bar alone!!!!

And no I have never heard of a friend of yours being picked up in a bar by some random guy and yes I know your friend has been probably hit on by these guys. And you and I both know how the fuck that ended

a.      Either you friend acted bitchely pricey and said fuck off

b.      Or she said no thank you politely and giggled behind his back

(Stop shaking your head, you know who you are)

And if you don’t know what I am talking about, there are two reasons for it

  1.    You are pug ugly and so is your friend circle thus no guy has hit on you
  2.    Or…..

Nope, pretty much you being ugly!)

The Solution

Me: “Anyway ….So what else is good about this place?”

(Captain Subtext: So what the fuck do I do there with these numerous “hot” women in this fantasy coolest bar in the world where all of them appear?)

Girl: “Well…DUH! You can get to check them out?”

(Captain Subtext: Bubba bubba bubba *drool*)

Me: “Of course …and then what?”

Girl: “Well we have fun in a great place!”

(Captain Subtext: Nothing…I get free drinks cause I am a girl, you pay 2500 for piss poor beer that tastes like something shit, you drop me home and go wank it  off like a crazy monkey before you hit the sack)

Me: “Sounds like a nice plan…Let’s try and see how the week goes”

(Captain Subtext: Fucking shit-hole of a plan!! You don’t I just stick a gun up my ass and fill the barrel with itching powder and pull the trigger or I might as well dip my wiener in a jar of honey and stick it in a red ant hill.

Who the fuck is stupid enough to go for such a plan!!)

 

In Conclusion

There are no happy hours or happy endings in a ladies night.

If you guys feel there are, you have been watching too many “Girls Gone Wild” videos on your laptops and you need a life.

Watching drunken girls scream a Britney Spears or the dual sexuality Gaga or even the future gay icon Bieber is NOT my idea of “fun” Take a hike!!

Class dismissed!

Advertisements

4 responses to this post.

  1. Posted by Anjana on October 21, 2011 at 4:02 PM

    Hahahahahahahahhaha …..awesome awesome …. m loving it … n m falling all over the place laughing ….. i can totally imagine the scene and put a face to all the characters as well ….. hahahahahah

    Reply

  2. Posted by Satyam on October 21, 2011 at 4:12 PM

    HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH…………fuckin awesome dude……………..sorry to say it but been there, done that and no fuckin happy endings!!! So fuckin true!

    Reply

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: