Oh no no no Bella.

I’m sorry for the delay, but I have my reasons, so drop it!!!

Anyway recently in my spare time (spare time….my precious…..my precious…Gollum) I started discovering a few things about my new city such as; how many different bars are here, watching movies in theatres, watching a few more plays…yes! I said plays!! I am now “cultured”!!

So this is what brought me to my next post..a movie! I recently saw this ‘movie’ involving a wolf, Count Panzula (Pansy + Dracula) and Ms. ‘I’m-too-confused-I-want-to-love-TWO-boys’.

Yup you got it….part three of the series. Eclipse!

So to start with, it could be worse, but let’s face it; if it was then Rakhi Sawant would be in it!

Leave aside the poker face acting by Bella (Kristen Stewart) who I feel could beat any person hands down in a game of cards with that blank expression which she carries so well all throughout the movie, I wonder if she was aware that acting is more than just repeating lines of a script and saying them loud enough for all to hear. Leave aside the even more than usual sad acting by Edward (Robert Pattison) but then in his defense he is dead in the movie. Leave aside the hunky, muscle ripping Jacob (Taylor Lautner) who remains shirtless the whole time since apparently, THAT is the limit of his acting ability. Be it happy, sad, angry, disturbed etc..an entire range of emotions expressed by the way he moves his pecs! The movie is drab. It’s bland and all characters lack any chemistry, life, personality, acting skills, speaking ability, reason to live…list goes on.

To begin with, the movie continues Bella’s “oh-so-tough” decision between a pale, scrawny fairy aka Edward and the “soon-to-be-acting-in-Machoman”, skin walker Jacob (a werewolf is too cool to associate with him, so I shall refer to him as a skin walker only). The movie revolves around the climax which (no no, despite popular belief was not the ending credits) is a fight between a few random ‘new-born’ vampires who have been created to engage the Cullens so that Victoria (a red head who wants revenge aka vamp of the movie) can kill Bella and avenge her lovers death (How exciting!! yawn) The Cullen clan then turn to the topless skin walkers and join hands and paws to save the lead character for the next part of the movie. The fight is too unproblematic since (it appears that) the new born vampires are made of porcelain and get smashed pretty easily.

The movie though does have a few good parts…..uhhhh……hmm….oh that scene in which…no no….that was not it….hmmm. Ah well…guess it doesn’t have any!

You got to give it to the director, with movies such as Do Geese See God (2004) (yes I know, I haven’t heard of it either) and Hard Candy (2005) (wouldn’t suggest this one to my worst enemy) you are left dumbfounded that the producer allowed him to be near the set of the movie leave alone the responsibility to direct it

The tag of the movie is correct. “It all begins with a choice”. I would suggest you choose not to watch it and if you are brave enough to see it I recommend drinking something or smoking something before and after that will erase the memory and numb the pain

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3 responses to this post.

  1. Posted by harsimrankapoor on August 13, 2010 at 10:58 PM

    I’m-too-confused-I-want-to-love-TWO-boys- ROTFLMAO.

    Nice Review! 😀

    Reply

  2. Posted by Namrata Mehrotra on August 13, 2010 at 11:10 PM

    If BYYY Chance, the TWILIGHT SAGA FANS get it in them to face this..they too will see light..the truth behind the Twilight!!!!
    Thats how profound, brave n brilliant u’re writings r Prateek.. (not that u need it to show, but I’m an admirer!)

    Reply

  3. Posted by Asha Shetty on August 14, 2010 at 1:47 PM

    Prateek… It was a nice “READ”

    Reply

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